It seems like everybody's getting pregnant. I'm trying to be so damn positive and think, that maybe this year will be the good one for me! All it does, it gets me down. Even if I get pregnant with the help of Clomid now, there still is a high chance of me having another miscarriage, despite of all the interventions (medicines) I most likely will have.
I've managed so well to not to think, until now, that if I wouldn't have had the first miscarriage, I would be getting used to being a mum now. The baby would've been due 21st December.
One of my mates had her second miscarriage the other day. 10 weeks. Miscarriage really is a common thing. Why don't people then talk about it? When it happened to me, both times, I felt so alone. Like I was the only one who has ever experienced it.
Too much pressure and focus is put on having a baby: First you get a career, then house, get married and finally...baby. People plan it and it the end, it's not for nobody to plan. It will happen or it will not. It's just nature. Miscarriage is just nature: something goes wrong in the process of cell division and that's it. I hope that my head would just settle for this explanation...
Still, I envy the ones...actually I've noticed that I loathe the ones, who just have sex somewhere mid cycle and they just get pregnant. Smooth sailing pregnancy but of course they moan, how much they hate being pregnant: of the sickness etc. ARRRGH! I think that just any kind of talk about other people being pregnant, makes my blood boil at the moment. I'm happy for them. I really am. I don't want their baby in the end. I want my own. I just wish I wouldn't be such a hassle.
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