I don't think I can take this very much longer. I'm puking up almost every day or at least feeling nauseous. The emotional agony is still noting to compared to the physical one. I want to have a child.
I keep on trying to stop myself when my mind slips to daydreaming of big pregnant belly and then having a beautiful child of my own. I cannot stop it. I might never be able to have that and it's slowly killing me inside. How the hell am I suppose to stay positive?
It was my birthday this week and my hubby took me out for a meal, theatre and drinks. When I was sitting in my favourite rock pub, bit tipsy and wearing " cool rock chick clothes" I was thinking, that my life isn't too bad at all. Nothing is really missing from it. I like going out drinking and wear slutty groupie clothes. Still I would give it all away (even if I don't have to give my style away in case the miracle would happen) for a child.
I'm just thinking how the heck did all of this happen. How did I suddenly end up coming a total psycho over this whole thing. Life is cruel, if nothing else.
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