Wednesday, 19 November 2008

What happens in the end?

I'm feeling really down. I cannot be happy for my friends who are pregnant and even thought they have miscarriage scare, their pregnancies goes ahead fine. In a way I'm really happy for them but my jealousy and sadness just turns it in to something nasty. Why does everyone else have babies and I don't?

My husband is rationalist. Maybe a little bit pessimist also. I was crying to him today how miserable I feel over this whole thing. I just wanted him to say "It'll be ok. We'll have a baby in the end". Instead he told me, how much he loves me and how we will have each other. We will get through anything together. Sweet but at the same time it made me angry. How could he not say that in the end of this hell of trying to conceive, we would not have baby?

At least he is not lying to me and giving me false hope. It could be, we will never have a baby. But then, everything will be ok. Actually everything is ok already. Better. Everything is good. I've got my awesome husband, who seems to know what to say whatever the situation is. That's why I love him. That's why we will get through anything together.

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